baby sleep, trusting God and other things i’m not so good at anymore

It’s not miraculous but Greg slept for nearly 4 hours last night before he woke up, and I only had to get up three times (and I didn’t fall asleep in his room)! The last few weeks have been especially frustrating, with him not sleeping more than 45 minutes at a stretch unless he is in my arms. I have been researching everything in my desperate search for answers: how to get him to go to sleep, to sleep longer, change sleep associations and all while not letting him cry. It was comforting to find some blogs of other moms who are facing similar, if not worse, situations than mine, but in the end, it just prolongsmy misery and self-pity.

I am discovering that child-rearing is something everyone has opinions about. if your child doesn’t conform to what appears to be normal, two things happen: you get people’s pitiful smiles and you get their advice or speculations a to what is wrong. Much of this is from friends and family with good intentions. But mostly it serves to make you feel inadequate: what is wrong with me/my kid, that I can’t make him do this??

At the same time, when I am dealing with an issue such as Greg’s sleep, I find that I want something, anything to go on to know I’m not alone or crazy. I’d try anything once to see if it helped. To be able to say the magical words, “yes he sleeps through the night!”

So last night, I was looking up what others had done to help with nursing to sleep, and I silently prayed, Jesus please just help Gregory stay asleep tonight. And I heard his response to me very clearly: you don’t want my help. You want to do it yourself.

And it was just so true. I have been, ever since Gregory was born practically, trying to make things happen on my own and when there was success, I always attributed it to something I did. Or when his sleeping or eating or behavior have been miserable, needing to find an explanation and solution. Very rarely in my prayers for him, have I asked the Lord to help with our daily struggles.

Isn’t he the Lord of heaven and earth? Isn’t he all-powerful, holding the universe together? He cares for the sparrows and the flowers. As his child, he knows my needs intimately, and the little details matter to him. Why have I thought that this was an impossible struggle that I had to face myself?

We do this with so many little things in our lives, don’t we? It seems easier to try to ‘figure things out’ instead of asking God to get involved in our daily struggles.

I had to ask myself why that is…. do I not really believe that my prayer will be heard? Do I not fully believe that God is able to do what I need? I must not.

These feelings of doubt inadvertently affect other areas of life too. I hesitate to have people over sometimes because I fear their judgments of how I do things in my home. I find it hard to introduce myself to new people, let alone share the gospel with them. I want to be a fountain of life to my son, my family, friends, church and to everyone I meet – not a drain, a complainer, a ball of insecurity and fear. I need to be able to share my life, shortcomings and fears and all, not worry what they will think when I do. You never know who might need to hear your story.

I know my God is able to help me, and I believe he cares. Lord, help me to trust you more. Help me to believe when my struggle seems impossible, so much that I don’t even ask you to step in. Forgive me for putting limitations on your power! And Lord, help my baby learn to sleep without my help, and give me wisdom to know what to do.

Look and Live

Sometimes I think that God gave us so many stories about the Israelites grumbling because it would make us feel better about ourselves – why couldn’t they just stop complaining? Geez! God was feeding them from heaven, leading them by a cloud that they could physically see, and delivered them from all their bondage and enemies. What more did they need!

 

But when we admit it, we could say the same thing about ourselves… Why can’t I just stop complaining and trust in God? Don’t I see all that he is doing? Sure it’s a mystery sometimes, but I mean come on – God is clearly at work. And yet I grumble.

 

One such story began with complaining and ended with an awesome response of God’s salvation. In Numbers 21, the Israelites were getting impatient and “…spoke against God and against Moses, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food ad no water, and we loathe this worthless food” (vs 4-5). Ouch.

 

Then came the snakes, or as the ESV says, ‘fiery serpents’ that God sent among the people.

 

Many people died from being bitten by these poisonous snakes. Israel realized their wrong, and asked that Moses would petition God to take the serpents away. “And the Lord said to Moses, “Make a fiery serpent and set it on a pole, and everyone who is bitten, when he sees it, shall live.” So Moses made a bronze serpent and set it on a pole. And if a serpent bit anyone, he would look at the bronze serpent and live” (Num. 21: 8-9).

 

God made it simple for them. All they had to do to not die was to look at that serpent on the pole, and they would be healed.

 

The Old Testament always points to Jesus Christ. This story is one of the more apparent “types” of Christ, foreshadowing the true healing that would come once and for all. The snake was raised up on a pole – Christ was raised up on the cross. People could look at the snake and be healed – by his wounds we are healed.

 

Look and live.

 

God made it simple for us too. Not simplistic, no – there is a wealth of transformation that happens when we become believers. It is an ever-continuing process. Yet, it starts with simply believing and confessing (1 John 1:9).

 

More than even physical healing, God extends forgiveness to us in Christ. In the day-to-day-ness of our lives, we need to be healed of many things. We can live now at peace, and we will also live then, with him forever.

 

Look and live.

 

All our sin, our doubts, our mistrust, our grumbling – they often hinder us from looking to Christ. We know what he is going to say: give them to me. Take my yoke, for it is light. Sin no more. Rather than continue to go down this path of avoiding God and his grace, why not embrace it?

 

Look and live.

 

Israel actually wanted God to get rid of the snakes. “Pray to the Lord, that he take away the serpents from us.” But God didn’t. Instead, he gave them a way to be healed from the bites when they happened.

 

The deliverance from our problems and ourselves isn’t in God taking our problem away, be it sickness, our financial hardship, relationship issues, or what have you. He already offered us healing and redemption in Christ. He cares for all of the details of our lives, know exactly what we need emotionally and physically… yet the answer to our problem is not in the things he might provide for us, but rather in Jesus himself.

 

When the snake bites of this life happen, we need not become overwhelmed. We simply need to look to Him. We need to look. And live.